I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
