i think i have two assholes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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