I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she told me i tasted like america
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
