I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
