That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
