I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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