Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
