just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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