I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
