You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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