Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
