Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
