Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
