And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
