Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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