Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
