I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
