I'm so fucking centered right now
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
