spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
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