It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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