I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
