Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
