The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
