we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
