Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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