don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
