we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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