Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
