my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Randomize
