can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
