I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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