she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize