1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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