you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
