Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
