this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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