haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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