I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
A bitchslap is in order.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
