watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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