Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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