I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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