TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
