Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
