I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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