Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize