Sponge bath it is.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
