You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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