I wish my penis had an off switch
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize