vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
