Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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