Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
