Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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