oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
