It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I touched a dick in church today
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
