wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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