Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
