Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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