Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
