He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
