we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
