her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
love makes seman taste better
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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