how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize