I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
