If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
