he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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