Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
