i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
