Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she woke up with a sticky ear
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
