I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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