Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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