I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
