The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
