Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
