I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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