I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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