Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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