is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
