jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
