she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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