did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
