Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
