You surviving the open bar?
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This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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