She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
