just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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