I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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