tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
