y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
