onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
