Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize