What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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