i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
