theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
