I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
