I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
