we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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