Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
