Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
