i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
