So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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