Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The best revenge is premature balding
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
