I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize