i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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