so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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