Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
